Talking with Children About Disturbing News
Provide an open, calm, and safe space to talk.
When I talk with my teens about stressful topics, I often repeat questions and over-communicate. They remind me that they have already answered the question and that yes, we have talked about this before. (They have also heard a lifetime of Calvary sermons.) I then need to check the anxiety and fear that I feel about them seeing traumatic images or experiencing a scary event. How much do children and youth need to talk about events that happen at school, in the city, or in the world? It all depends on the age of the child or youth as well as their willingness to engage in the topic at hand. Check out this guide from KQED, "What to Say to Kids When The News is Scary."
When my daughter was going into middle school, she told me that she did not need to hear my general history lectures/sermons/conversations about social justice, the effects of addiction, people experiencing homelessness, how LGBTQ+ people are treated around the world etc. I did my job. We still engage in conversations about these topics, but she guides the intensity and length of the conversation. My son endured these lecture/sermon/conversations as well, but he luckily has gotten my abridged version. My goal is to provide a safe space in which to connect with my kids. They now initiate conversations in the car, at dinner time, and whenever they need to be heard.
When the kids were little we had bite-sized conversations about hard things and watched curated images on the computer or in books as we had no TV. We went to The Women's March, The March for Our Lives, March for Reproductive Justice, March for Immigrant Families, and The Pride March. Attending marches showed us how people came together to speak, share stories, and take action. Praying with church friends during worship services and events help us to feel strength, safety, and the presence of God. Real time events that take place in the presence of others helped us accurately understand context. That context can be lost when watching news, videos, and streamed shows that often prioritize violence, trauma, and misinformation. The gamut of media intake can be a lot to unpack with ourselves and kids.
Common Sense Media (CSM) has been a resource that helped me choose age-appropriate movies when the kids were little. Click on the CSM online article and video to find ways to approach talking with your children about disturbing news. I followed their suggestion to have bite-sized conversations until the kids were asking more complex questions.
When the pandemic arrived all TV and video control was thrown out the window. My 8th grade daughter and 6th grade son binge-watched more shows in a year than I watched in my growing up years. Gen X kids watched a lot of TV, movies, and disturbing news, so that is saying a lot. During the pandemic, I would ask my kids, "If you experience something that you can't unsee and want to process it, will you please talk with me or dad about it." I know that they saw and heard a lot. We watched a few shows together. Dinner hour (after everyone has eaten some food) has been an opportune time to talk about the national and global news, as well as ongoing issues at school or in San Francisco. Being present with one another is the best gift we can give.
